FROG · MEDICINE

Well the point of this blog isn't really about that at all, but I thought it was an interesting tidbit to start with.  This weekend has certainly been busy and fruitful in the manner of the non-studying variety.  I suppose I should start with the title... Dr. Z, the jedi master of all anatomy profs, taught us how to do a vasectomy (ligate the vas deferens, located near the inguinal canal area, the junction of your thigh and hip). 

Or as we med students (at least at my school) call it, BLOCK II.  I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do as well this time around as I did on first Block; mainly because there's other stuff I would rather be doing and I know I can pass as long as I do study and read the material once through.  I will probably do fine on histo, devo, and biochem, but anatomy is a bit of a concern because I find the material difficult.  Most of my fellow students bemoan devo or biochem, but my demon is anatomy.

Also, doesn't help I'd rather be making out with my bf than you know, studying.  We're v. undisciplined, but I won't get to see him much for the next two weeks.  Luckily, he's a med student too and in my class or it'd be rather challenging. 

*sighs*

Here we go again...

P.S. We've since beheaded our cadaver!  (chopped it right down the middle!  Lucky me, I didn't have that lab.)

The first one is anyway.  I feel like I've been trapped at school or at my apartment for two weeks, just studying.  Block, for us, is a week of tests.  I had Anatomy first, then Histology, after that Biochemistry, and we finished up with Developmental Anatomy.  I was very unsure about how I was going to do.  At my old undergrad, I was a very average student, who always depended on the curve to get through a class and in med school... such a thing as curves don't exist. 

I was at school until 5:30 pm today and then I came home, had dinner and struggled not to study during my eating time.  After that, though, I took a few practice exams... the results were pitiful, to say the least.

Histo (the written): 61.6%
Biochem: 61% (an avg. of two exams)

I have yet to take practice exams in either gross or devo.  I doubt they'll be any better.  So far, according to this, I am failing everything.

FUCK THIS SHIT D: !!!

p.s. I am incapable of memorizing 800 pages... that's why I was an English major.

I don't think I've had a panic attack since my first round of finals my freshman year of undergrad, simply b/c I was taking about 16 or 17 hrs and that's a lot for a first year, much less first semester.  I was crazy then, but I was a bit surprised when I had a panic attack this morning.  It was strange and it made me excessively grumpy until devo lectures this morning tempered me down by making me sleepy.  Anatomy lecture, surprisingly, didn't make me have a relapse, considering we need to learn all about the anterior part of the neck and it's quite a lot. 

Roomie had her panic attack last weekend and it was pretty bad according to her.  I don't even think she realized I've had one.  I hope I hide it well.  I want to be calm and seemingly implacable.  It makes me seem so, you know, different than the other regularly stressed out med student.  Not sure if I'm succeeding, but at least I try to be less stressed out than the rest of them.  They're starting to get to me, though, and it's annoying me.  I should not be having panic attacks.  It's not like me AT ALL. 

I'm a bit nervous, I fully admit. 

What if I fail?

That said... all I do now is go to school, come home, and study.  I chat in my "light study periods," and I "chat/hangout w/ med school buddies" but that's about the limit of my life.

A little sad, no?

So this is only the Wednesday of the 2nd week in Med School and already people are really stressing out.  Roomie and I know this one particular guy, Y, who was pretty friendly (i.e. decent) pre-beginning of school, basically during the retreat for first years... but once the 1st week of school rolled around and especially this week, he has been increasingly stressed out. 

The Perils of an MSI Schedule, located here, is that we don't have any order.  We start some days at 8, some at 9 and leave at 1:30 at earliest and can stay until 6 or 7 in the evening (the gross labs are way longer than they say).  I'm on the O-R-A-N-G-E tank team.  So I get to start cutting the cadavers this Wednesday, the first dissection is something I pretty much did during Pre-Entry so I'm not too nervous. 

Saturday, morning: I move in.  It sucks.  The moving guy dented and scraped my expensive furniture, since I'm moving my "real" bedroom into my apartment rather than buying Ikea stuff.  It's nice and maybe I'm picky, but it took me weeks to find furniture I liked when I was in high school and finally getting to shop for bedroom furniture (and desk stuff) for the first time!  It was also hot and sticky and generally horrible weather to move in.

Sunday, night: I move in the clothes and talk to my roommate, who I shall refer to as Roomie.  We get along well and by far the best of any roommate I've had in the past and the only one I don't have to share a room with!  I also shut an A/C vent in the living room so more cold air to my room, b/c mine is extra hot for some reason!

Monday, morning: I went to Financial Aid get my loans sorted out (I recently got a new loan with no interest whilst in school, yays!) and then to the Bursar's to get my pink sticker that says I'm a 1st/2nd year med student.  Unfortunately, as I was riding back, I realized I forgot to turn in my deferment form (so I don't accrue interest whilst in school) on my Perkins Loans from Rice D:!!! 

One of my good friends has already received his first interview notification (w/o having sent in his secondaries).  Yes, he is a top-notch applicant with outstanding stats, great MCAT, excellent GPA, and most of all, from a top 20-undergrad.  It's only late June, so it's waaaaay early in the interviewing season.  But now is time to get ready, or at least to start thinking about the interviews you'll received. 

Which is, of course, Why do you want to be a doctor?

You can't avoid answering this, mince around it all you want, you're going to have to answer it in your personal statement and probably the day of your interview(s) as well.  I know I had to and it's not an easy question to answer without sounding cliche.  I should know, I wrote three drafts of mine and I've helped revised a few of my friends' essays this year.  I was talking recently to an ex-BF after having gone over his essay and he told me that an English prof had looked at his and said he was too "idealistic" after I'd told him I was really impressed with what he'd written. 

Because... pretty much everyone says the same thing (and maybe it's a good thing, rather than a problem), they want to help people.  They want to make a difference.  Is that such a bad thing?  I believe strongly doctors-to-be need to feel like they are going into their field with pure intentions and motivations.  I told him if you're likely idealistic now, but residency will probably change that.  I know it'll be a tough time, but I know it's going to be rewarding.  It might kick your idealism in the butt, but reality always does that.  If you're fortunate (and I hope I am), I'll still have my ideals colored with a healthy dose of reality.